I’ve been seeing a lot of these lately.
A lot has changed since the little man came along, and a lot has thrown me for a loop. Until I had a kid, I never knew I had it in me to accomplish the things I’m now accomplishing on a daily basis: working, writing, making the bed.
First of all, I give myself major props for being able to care for another human being 24-7 (every parent should). But there are other more surprising abilities that have emerged from this experience. Here are seven:
Face My Own Mortality
You would think, after bringing a new little life into your house, that death would be the last thing on my mind. You would be wrong.
About a month after the little man was born, it occurred to my husband and I that we would need to find people to take care of him should something happen to us. We started out researching how to name guardians, which snowballed into writing wills so that the little guy also inherited everything we own.
I’m not going to lie. It was an incredibly humbling and depressing experience — naming executors and guardians, thinking about my own demise and that of my beloved other half — but it had to be done. Though we wouldn’t exactly be leaving the little guy high and dry if we didn’t have a will, we’re making things just a little bit easier for our son and our loved ones by appointing caretakers and directing the divvying up of our stuff.
But still, yeesh.
Do Everything With One Hand (or Foot or Mouth)
You learn to use parts of your body in very creative ways when you’re carrying around an infant who refuses to be put down. I’m left-handed and, let me tell you, my right hand has gotten pretty dextrous in the last three months (little etymology joke, there). I can even type one-handed using either hand. In fact, parts of this blog are written with just one hand…hows mye speling?
You also use your feet, mouth, teeth, knees, and hips to lift, hoist, hold, twist off, and tear open what ever needs to be lifted, hoisted, held, twisted, or torn. Just one warning: Take care of yourself and go easy. I’m now suffering from some kind of injury to my wrist. It seems the wear and tear of lifting and carrying too many things at once finally got to me.
Watch the Sun Rise
Before the baby, I could count on one hand the times I’d seen the sun rise. In fact, I think I can name each occasion: twice talking through the night with friends, once after a night out on the town, once when I had to write a paper in college, and once to get a good spot on the mall for Obama’s inauguration (worth it?).
Now I see the sun rise almost every morning. At first, I did this very grudgingly, especially when the little man was getting up more than once a night. Now, I kind of don’t mind — kind of. It’s actually nice to hear the birds and see the neighborhood wake up.
This is also a very quiet, peaceful time for me and my son. There are no work deadlines, no doctor’s offices to call, and no grocery stores to run to. There are no distractions. It’s just me, the little guy, and a bottle.
Stand Up for Myself
I came to peace a long time ago with my pushover-ness. I don’t like to make waves and I am, let’s face it, a people-pleaser. Anything to keep others I care about happy.
But now, my job is to keep the little man happy. That means standing up for the choices I’ve made for myself, my son, and my family. Because of him, I negotiated a work-from-home situation that allows me to care for the little man and work at the same time. I never would have been able to ask for so much from a job before.
I am a more confident, more assertive person because of him. I’ll have to thank him for that later.
Talk about Bodily Functions
Before I had the baby, I used to hear parents joke about how much they talk about poop, puke, and other bodily fluids now that they have kids. I swore to myself I would be classier than that. I would never talk about such things, especially in mixed company.
Parenting will also pull you down from your high horse pretty damned quick.
Now, my husband and I talk about the boy’s bodily functions over dinner (our dinner; I still won’t talk about them in mixed company). I announce every night like it’s the lead story on the news whether or not he pooped that day. And when a kid barfs as much as mine does (I’m told it’s normal), it’s bound to become a hot topic of conversation.
Get Angry at the World…or the U.S. Anyway
Yep, I’m angry. I’m angry at the choices we’ve had to make because this country doesn’t take care of its mothers and fathers like other countries do. I’m angry at how much childcare costs. I’m angry that many of my friends have had to give up their careers entirely because maternity and paternity leave in this country just doesn’t cut it.
I’m angry that no matter what family choice you make for yourself — no children, one child, 10 children — there’s always someone there to let you know you’re living your life wrong. And I’m furious that mothers tear each other down by judging each other’s parenting skills rather than work to lift each other up.
I’m still new, so I don’t know what to do about any of this yet, but I’ll think of something.
Become a Writer Again
For so long, I put off writing. There was always something else to do: work, parties, family gatherings, food shopping. There’s still a lot to do every day, trust me. But somehow, I am finding the time to write again.
Maybe it’s because I’m not running from one social engagement to the next anymore, or maybe it’s because you learn to prioritize and organize really quickly once you have a kid.
I’d like to think I’m writing for him, now. Now that he’s the main priority, it makes it easier to sit down and write, even just for a few minutes, if that even makes sense. All my stories are for the little man.
Mom Beats World 